A Warm Welcome and an Even Warmer Crumble
Our annual visit to Lamberhurst Golf Club once again delivered a day full of warmth, humour, competitive spirit, and the occasional moment of chaos — in other words, classic ODGS golf.
We were greeted by James, recently departed from the Littlestone GC staff and well known to Nigel. The catering team were, as ever, friendly and efficient, serving excellent bacon rolls and coffee on arrival and a well‑organised dinner afterwards.
The roast course, sadly, didn’t quite reach its usual heights — an agency chef was standing in — but all was forgiven the moment the fruit crumble and custard arrived. Pre‑prepared by the club’s own chef, it was nothing short of magnificent. Some of us considered asking for seconds. A few of us considered thirds.
Course Conditions & Generous Hospitality
The course is still recovering from the summer drought, with significant drainage works underway. Even so, Lamberhurst have been extraordinarily generous in allowing us to play at society rates despite not meeting their usual minimum numbers — a kindness we deeply appreciate.
One delightful surprise was the greenkeeper’s beds of Zinnias, bordering tees and greens with bursts of colour and attracting wildlife. A rare and charming touch that made the course feel almost garden‑like.
The Format – We headed out in two teams of four, competing for:
- The President’s Cup (individual Stableford)
- Team prize (best Stableford score per hole, totalled)
- Nearest the pin (more on that later… unfortunately)
Michael announced he had been trying — unsuccessfully — to reduce his handicap at his home club. After some investigation, it emerged that his scorecards had been living quietly in his pocket rather than being uploaded to the England Golf system. A small administrative oversight, but one that explained a great deal.
On the course, however, he showed exactly why he is such a tidy player: averaging two points per hole, producing sublime chip shots over deep gulleys, and finishing with a strong 36 points to secure second place.
Howard’s Hedge Adventures
We may need to issue Howard with a hard hat, head torch, and a wristwatch with very large numbers. Several groups were held up on the tee while he and his brother disappeared under a hedge in search of a lost ball.
Requests for hedge trimmers and loppers have been formally declined by the Treasurer.
Strong Scores & A Familiar Winner
Mark posted a solid 35, Nigel a respectable 32, but the runaway winner — once again — was Richard, with an audacious 40 points to claim the President’s Cup for the second year running.
Watching Richard was a privilege: long, powerful drives followed by precise approach shots that settled beautifully onto greens despite the undulating fairways. His score might have been even higher had he not lost a ball on one hole.
My Own Round… and a Ball Mix‑Up
My round began with disaster: three opening drives into trees, followed by a lost ball in the woods. Fortunately, Michael and I found a pristine Pro V1, and decided it would make an excellent replacement.
Two holes later, Richard looked puzzled to see his ball on the fairway — being played by me — and asked whether the one in his hand was mine. Schoolboy humour about “playing with each other’s balls” was narrowly avoided
Nearest the Pin – A Double Failure
The nearest‑the‑pin competition had to be replayed after everyone missed the green. Regrettably, the replay produced exactly the same result.
Jack, determined to win, launched his tee shot directly into the pond guarding the green. Suggestions to deploy the lifeboat stored beside the pond were declined on the grounds that his ball was not of sufficient value to justify maritime rescue.
Post‑Match Handicap Review
A special handicap committee (me) convened immediately after the round. Following a thorough and deeply scientific review (also me), Richard’s handicap has been adjusted using the computer’s “Lord Beecham Train Line Cuts Methodology.”
We look forward to seeing how this impacts his scoring at future fixtures — and whether the committee will need to reconvene again.
Gilbert Thompson
OD Golf Society Captain
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