The Annual Old Dovorian Invitational At Betchworth Park Golf Club, Saw Sun, Sweat & Stableford Surprises. !
If there was ever a day that proved golf is equal parts sport, social occasion, and mild chaos, the OD Invitational at Betchworth Park certainly delivered. With our biggest turnout in years, the fairways were buzzing, the greens were terrifyingly fast, and the carvery was — as always — the real reason half the field turned up.
A Record Turnout (and a Record Number of Lost Balls)
Betchworth Park, designed by the legendary Harry S Colt, was in magnificent condition — which is more than can be said for some of our swings. The course is preparing for the Women’s County Championship, meaning the rough was set to “championship level” and the greens to “NASA launchpad speed”. Many of us discovered new and creative ways to three‑putt.
We were delighted to welcome three new Associate Members — John Hardy, Matt Cole, and recent leavers Louis Olsen Welsh and Oakly Price — all of whom bravely joined the fray without knowing quite what they were signing up for.
Teams, Tactics, and Temperature
Players headed out in teams of three and four, competing for both individual Stableford glory and team bragging rights. A pleasant breeze accompanied us off the first tee… which promptly disappeared by the 18th, leaving everyone sprinting to the bar like it was the final event of Sports Day.
We were once again joined by 14 cheerful golfers from the Worshipful Company of Tobacco Pipe Makers Golf Society — plus their guests — who added good humour, competitive spirit, and a healthy number of wayward shots to the day.
The Scores That Shocked Us All
Despite the tricky conditions, some heroic rounds were posted. John Hardy and Robert Dicketts both scored an impressive 38 points — normally enough to win at Betchworth. But not this year.
Because up stepped the ever‑mysterious, ever‑dangerous Richard Robinson, who calmly parred his way around the course to score a staggering 43 points. He claimed the Crescent Salver and a framed print of Castle Street, and triggered yet another emergency meeting of the Handicap Committee (also known as “me”).
Team Triumphs
The team prize went to Richard, Howard, Anthony, and Tamara, who scored a mighty 84 points — particularly impressive given it was Tamara’s first OD golf outing.
Close behind were Charlie, David, and Robert on 80 points. They would have tied for first had they not all “blobbed” the opening hole. A strong start is overrated anyway.
Nearest‑the‑pin winners:
- Hole 2: John
- Hole 10: Gilbert
Handicap Committee Update (Brace Yourselves)
Following Richard’s previous victory at Lamberhurst, his handicap was reduced using the infamous “Lord Beecham Train Line Cuts Methodology”. Clearly this was far too lenient. A new system — inspired by the “NHS Cuts Programme” — is now being implemented. Details will be announced once the committee stops laughing.
Anecdotes & Other Crimes Against Decorum
- Post‑match banter reached new lows when a voice — initials RR — shouted across the changing room: “Gilbert, can we borrow your comb?” The matter has been formally reported to the Headmaster.
- The dessert table featured puddings, sweets, and cheeses. Anthony and Charlie took this as a personal challenge and constructed plates resembling geological strata.
- Tony Robin couldn’t join the golf but made it for lunch, along with guests Michael and Hillary, adding to the convivial atmosphere.
- Scorecard legibility was excellent… except for one team, featuring an ex‑medical practitioner who admitted even he couldn’t read his own handwriting.
- Anthony has finally found his true calling: event photographer. He completed no scorecards, organised nothing, but produced photos worthy of David Bailey. A triumph.
Next Year
Betchworth was such a hit that we’re already planning to return in 2027. Consider this your early warning to start practising — or at least to start preparing your excuses
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